Financial Self-Sabotage 101: How College Turns Smart People Into Dumb Spenders (And How to Stop)

Let's get real - there are two types of college students:

1. Those who check their bank account balance before swiping

2. Liars

I was firmly in camp two until the day my debit card got declined at the campus convenience store while buying microwave mac & cheese. The cashier's pity stare still haunts me. Here's how to avoid becoming a campus financial cautionary tale.

The 5 Most Expensive Lies We Tell Ourselves

Lie #1: "I'll remember to pay this back"
• Said every student who's ever Venmo requested at 2am after bar tabs, parking tickets, or that time you "just needed" $11.43 for boba with your crush's roommate

Lie #2: "This is an investment"
• Spoiler: Your "vintage" denim jacket from Depop isn't appreciating in value
• Neither is that $400 graphing calculator you used twice

Lie #3: "I deserve this"
• After exams: "I earned this $60 steak"
• After one class: "I survived 50 minutes, I earned this $60 steak"

Lie #4: "I'll use it eventually"
• Gym memberships
• Language learning apps
• That ukulele you were totally going to learn

Lie #5: "It's cheaper in the long run"
• Bulk buying perishables for your single dorm fridge
• Paying annual fees for services you forget exist
• That Costco membership when you own exactly one saucepan

Financial Comebacks for Peer Pressure Situations

When your squad wants to:
• Go out every weekend: "I'm on a 'see how long I can go without explaining my finances to my parents' streak"
• Order delivery again: "Let's microwave some poor life choices together in my dorm"
• Split bills unevenly: "I'll Venmo you for exactly what I ate, which was 1.5 spring rolls and existential dread"

Actual Adulting Hacks That Work

1. The "Fake Poor" Method

   • With friends: "Sorry, I'm saving up for [vague responsible thing]"

   • With yourself: Actually save that money

2. The 24-Hour "Do I Really Need This?" Rule

   • Works for everything except tacos

   • Especially works for textbook purchases (half will be on reserve at the library)

3. The "Pay Yourself First" Scam (That Works)

   • Automatically transfer $20/week to an account you pretend doesn't exist

   • Watch it grow while your willpower doesn't

When You Do Screw Up (Because You Will)

1. The Walk of Shame

   • To financial aid office: "Hi yes, how do I adult?"

   • To parents: "Remember when you said money doesn't grow on trees? Hilarious story..."

2. The Bounce Back

   • Sell your barely-used "college essentials"

   • Actually attend free food events (academic buildings after 5pm = catering leftovers heaven)

3. The Perspective Reset

   • Compare your impulse buys to ramen equivalents ("That hoodie = 87 packets of ramen")

   • Remember: Your future self wants to study abroad, not explain why there's $17 in your account

💸 True Story Time: I once spent a month's grocery budget on artisanal toast photos for Instagram. Follow for more financial "wisdom" from someone who's made every mistake so you don't have to.